Nomad

hello~

first off, thank you so much for being here! it’s taken me lots and lots of time to feel comfortable enough to share some of my deepest and most vulnerable feelings for the world to see. however, as cliché as it sounds, we truly only live once, and i’d regret not leaving my mark on this earth with my presence, no matter how big or small.

Nomad is very, very special to me. if there was only one piece of art that i could use to describe who i am, it would be this poem. it’s so counterintuitive, yet, this bittersweet confusion is the essence of my existence. i often feel like a nomad, just searching and wandering, but i’ve found home within myself. so, without further ado, let’s dive deeper into this lake that is my mind.

i am nothing, but everything

cultured with no culture

i am a nomad

i am a spiritual person, and although i don’t consider myself religious, i love learning about different religions and spiritualities. certain things resonate while others don’t, but with that, i create a personalized and ever-changing philosophy for myself that’s inspired by the whole world. through this, i often have two ways of thinking and being that clash, but that i both resonate with in some way. in one way, i am only a speck on this earth here for a limited time, but i also believe that i am an important piece of this puzzle called life and that i am one with everything. my existence is both insignificant and significant. i feel supremely connected to my Creator, and that, in a way, i am my own Creator. yet, i am humbled by knowing and accepting that i am only 1 out of 8 billion. i am nothing, but everything.

growing up, i always felt like an outsider within my community. whether it was because of my mannerisms or things i was interested in, i always felt judged and felt almost no sense of belonging. my other culture, i’m a third-generation american, so there’s a certain level of disconnectedness i feel as part of a diaspora, and i am constantly trying to bridge those gaps by learning about my nation’s history, traditions, etc. so, within both of my own cultures, i feel like a black sheep. however, i am someone who loves international travel and have always enjoyed learning about different people and cultures ever since i was a little girl. due to my experiences growing up, i tend to attach myself strongly with cultures that i resonate with. however, after some self-reflection, i realize that i feel these intense connections to other cultures and people because i’m trying to find community and a sense of belonging i never felt i’ve had. although i’ve had and continue to have these kinds of identity crises, i wouldn’t change my journey not one bit, as it has helped me become who i am and feel connected to everyone, no matter where they’re from, in some way, and i’m an excellent mediator in helping others when it comes to cross-cultural misunderstandings. so, i feel like i don’t have a culture of my own, but with my knowledge and desire to learn about others, i am a cultured being.

the nectar of peace is the sweetest

i long for nothing but unity

identity is as constraining as it is freeing

so familiar, yet so foreign

i am a nomad

i know that one of my main life purposes is to promote and facilitate world peace, and i know of many different ways i can do that (which i plan to elaborate more on in the future, so stay tuned!), but i believe the best way to see the change we want to see in the world is to set the example and be it. if i want peace, i have to be peace. if i want unity, i need to help unify others. that is what’s most satisfying to me.

going back to being cultured with no culture, i do not resonate with racial/ethnic labels. it has only caused me trauma instead of freedom, and it’s not the way i want to be primarily addressed as. what has been a healing turning point for me is the theory of racelessness by dr. sheena mason. if you resonate with this poem, i am sure you’ll be interested in her theory, so i strongly suggest you check it out! not to go into the bread and butter of it, but the core part of her theory is that the belief in race itself is racist, and that the only way to address and stop racism is to let go of the belief of race. now, there’s plenty of ways this could play out, and i encourage discussion about it so we can find the best way for it to work, but i have always yearned to just be me, not a box to check. while others feel liberated with having terms to help people understand them better, and in some ways it is beneficial, i am exhausted by representing myself as a color or faking the closeness to a group that i feel has not appreciated me. so, for me, identity can be restrictive and not truly symbolic of who i am. i just want to be me.

because of my proximity to my inherited cultures due to my ancestry and phenotype and my proximity to other cultures because of my interest and knowledge, i feel familiar and foreign simultaneously to people everywhere. in my inherited communities, i feel familiar because we share history and features, but i feel foreign to them due to my personality and way of being not always being compatible with the culture. in the communities i’ve immersed myself into, i will always be a foreigner, as i have no ancestral roots there and was never born or raised there. however, whether it’s due to my knowledge and respect of the culture, my attempts at the language, or just the way i carry myself, people gravitate towards me because i feel familiar and connected in some way to them.

language is more than just words

my lotus blooms no matter the water

i flow through your veins as you do mine

humanity’s potential is all within us

i am a nomad

speaking of language, it can be a hard thing to master, but it is often to easiest way to get someone to open up. whether your fluent in multiple languages or still just trying to get familiar with another one, language can make one who may be judgmental or defensive into a wholesome interaction, and even a friend. even when you don’t know each others languages, actions can say everything without saying a word. simple gestures from others are often times some of the most memorable moments i reflect on.

the lotus is my favorite flower. not only does my name have aquatic elements, but the symbolism of rebirth and how the lotus comes through the mud and water unscathed, it really speaks to me. i am a pretty adaptable person, so i feel like i always blossom beautifully wherever i am. no matter where i am placed or where my roots are, i flourish.

we all bleed, we all have the same organs held together by flesh, we are all human. with my belief, we all somehow, someway came from our own versions of adam and eve, and we are all quite literally connected. we are family.

back to being the change you want to see, this is how humanity’s potential is all within us. we can all be peace, we can all be destruction, but let’s choose peace. love thy neighbor.

every fiber of my essence is misunderstood

i am enigma's sacred reflection

i am a nomad

it’s always nice when poems and songs have this level of mystery to where you’re trying to come to your own theory or conclusion(s) about a piece of work, and i hope that you still do this with my work as well. however, this is one of the reasons i felt inspired to create my site, so i can have a place to explain myself and to be understood. i have always been someone who is easily misunderstood, words often misconstrued. i am an enigmatic person, but often not on purpose, it’s just that i can be complicated to understand. so, it’s freeing for me to come here and lay out my intentions and thoughts with you.

this is the end of this deep dive~ thank you again for taking the time out of your day to read this and get to know me! i hope you feel inspired and i appreciate your support! feel free to let me know your thoughts and your own understanding of my work, i’d love to hear what you have to say <3

bathed in moonlight,

BELİNAY